Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Sexual Instinct

Please refer to my last post for an introduction to the concept of instinctual stacking. 

What sets apart those who are sexual-first? 

Energy signature:

Sx-first people have dynamism, drive, and charisma.  They tend to be louder, bolder and more outspoken and dramatic than those of other variants and to magnetically attract attention.  Obnoxious people are usually sx-first, but leaders and heroes often are as well.  Others tend to either love them or hate them.  They're frequently considered attractive by the opposite sex, but whether they feel attraction in return or not will quickly become clear to any interested parties; if they do, they'll pursue the object of their attraction with attention and flirting or other means; if not, their lack of interest will be clear.  They're rather accustomed to receiving attention, and when they walk into a room, they may announce their presence by immediately initiating some kind of interaction with someone who's already there, taking it for granted that the other person would like or be interested in such interaction... which may not always be the case.  Sx-first people aren't the most sensitive to subtle vibes given off by others, though those who are social-second are better at this than those who are social-last. 


Excitement, stimulation -- whatever thrills or enthuses them -- whatever they can get passionate about, whether that be a person/relationship, a cause, a game or sport or activity, an interesting conversation -- you name it, if it fires them up it will keep their attention; otherwise they'll be inclined to drop it and move on.  (That doesn't mean they'll necessarily end a relationship the minute it cools.  Although of course the most extreme sx-first people are indeed like that, there are unlimited others who stay married to one spouse for life.  But their natural tendency will be to seek out whatever is the most interesting to them at the time, so either their spouses have to be able to keep their interest, or else the sx-first has to have a strong enough sense of duty to tough it out.)

The sexual instinct is sometimes also called the one-on-one instinct because sx-first people's attention is focused, intense and one-pointed, like light concentrated through a lens, and can be directed toward only one person (or thing) at a time.  Sx-first people can rapidly switch their attention from one person to another and back, so they can at times appear to be paying attention to a whole roomful of people at once, but in fact in those situations they're focusing on various people in turn rather than everyone simultaneously.  In relationships, they seek the powerful thrill of deep, intimate connection (on the physical, mental, and/or emotional level) with whoever has captured their interest.  In many cases, finding a significant other or someone with whom they can be in a fulfilling one-on-one relationship will be the dominating need of the sx-first's entire life -- the prerequisite to their happiness and contentment.  Whenever they're in a special relationship with someone they treasure, their own desire is to spend much of their free time interacting with that person, just relishing togetherness with them and savoring the spark of mutual attraction and enjoyment.  If the other person in the relationship is not also sx-first, he or she may wish to spend free time sometimes doing other things either alone or with other people, and since this would clash with the sx-first's expectations and desires, a certain amount of unhappiness could ensue.  Though sx-firsts may indeed be jealous and possessive, they aren't necessarily so.  But even if not, they will sometimes realize to their chagrin that they and their beloved one simply want different things -- they want intense one-on-one togetherness and a deep, fantastic, amazing connection with a single other special person, while their loved one of a different instinctual variant wants to be left alone a lot, or doesn't want to be shackled/obliged or pressured (however openly or subtly) to pay paramount attention and concern to a single other person (however special to them), but rather prefers to pay a more evenly distributed amount of attention/care and concern to everyone in his or her life.

This isn't intended to imply that sx-first people make bad parents due to being too wrapped up in their significant other to pay attention to the kids.  Although that surely happens with some sx-first people, others can be great parents.  (After my relationship with my sx-first ex-husband became somewhat strained, I experienced many times that he would pay preferential attention to our son, leaving me feeling neglected -- so the same issue can happen the other way as well.)  As long as their need for one all-important successful close relationship has been met, they'll be at ease and able to face the rest of their life with energy, happiness and enthusiasm -- including maintaining plenty of other close, affectionate relationships in addition to the first one, if they so wish and their karma allows it.  :)